do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
