Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
