No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
