the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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