her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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