I'm gonna have a badass scar
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
