Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
