I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
