so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
