Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
