ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
