I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
