great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
