I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
