i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
