1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
someone owes me an orgasm
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
