I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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