I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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