This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
