You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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