Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
