I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize