is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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