I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
