Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
