WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
