I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
