You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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