i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
