I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
