I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
