I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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