I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
