im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
