New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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