He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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