Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
