Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
