what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
