Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
