there's paper in my vomit.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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