my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
