I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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