I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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