Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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