My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
