Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
