i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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