You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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