I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
