I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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