he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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