oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
BRING THE BAGELS
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
