Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
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There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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