now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
