i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Randomize
