Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
