What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
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All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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