youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
