She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
