Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
