I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
