i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I touched a dick in church today
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
