That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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