It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
