I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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