So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
