My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
