do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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