either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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